Today I reflected on one of the many periods in my life when I went through significant transformation. In this stage I felt the realness of the transformation. I share this today as an observation with the intention of letting others know it is normal, OK and real to go through such change in awareness.
The butterfly emerging
I am fully aware of this tried and true analogy. However it speaks to me so I am sure it will to you.
I was like the butterfly emerging from my cacoon. As I stretched and spread my wings I looked around to see the world freshly. With newly born and transformed perspective it was magically different. Behind me was the cacoon. I was amazed how I knew to create this structure, protection, shield and shell around me. It was not conscious, it was self protection. For years I lived in this cacoon. The cacoon kept me safe as I grew and developed inside. I had no awareness of the outside world, no perception of life different from what I knew within the confines of my cacoon.
Depth and knowing
Again it amazes me how I created and built the cacoon. No one else did this for me. That is no one in the physical world in which I lived. I realised that my ability to create what I needed to protect myself came from a deeper place.
The knowing is a sense within my subconscious, within me. I had knowledge residing within my body down to the cells that made me who I am.
To speak of this knowing is to attempt to describe the indescribable. How can I begin to tell you what I know that is not in my awareness.
What I can say is that without the awareness I built a cacoon around me and lay protected inside until I "knew" it was time to come out.
The emergence from the cacoon was a strange experience. In fact I am not quite sure I am fully out yet nor able to fully let go of it even now. It is like the baby's security blanket held on to long past the time of being a baby.
Start a real conversation with you
So I share this with you in the spirit of opening up your inner dialogue, the ultimate real conversation in life, the one we have with our self. To do this consider some of these questions for reflection:
- What do I avoid, run away from or not deal with in life?
- If I consciously stand outside of myself as witness to my life how do I see myself? How do I imagine others see me?
- When I close my eyes and go within what happens? Do I feel uneasy, get scared or find it difficult?
- Do people in relationships stay at a certain level with me - eg business like, objective, distant?
- When do I feel that I am expressing who I really am to others?
- When do I feel that others are acknowledging me for who I really am?
- When I go to do something I desire to do does something inside stop me? Can I identify what this feeling or sense is?
I suggest that maybe you take some time out for yourself and start asking some questions. Perhaps even write down your thoughts, answers, feelings and reflections.
If then I ask you later, are you inside a cacoon of self protection or are you out spreading your wings and flying what would you say to me?
Let's go there...