When?

 © Jenn Shallvey

© Jenn Shallvey

As a seeker I am on a path in life to continually grow, change and become a fuller version of myself. I am never satisfied with being the same person I was yesterday. There is more to learn, discover and become.

Yes I can accept where I am now. Yet there is a part of me that still will say what else? Or what if?

As a self explorer I am keep discovering what makes me tick, why I do what I do, what makes me different than others.

There is also a sense of wanting clarity, not just superficial assessment, but genuine, deep knowing of self. Who am I? Why do I do what I do? What is possible?

The other challenge is that in our society we are forever being challenged to fit in. The mainstream expectation is that we follow the status quo. There are conventions, norms, ways, values, principles from numerous well respected and regarded sources to which we compare our selves. Others judge and assess us. The external pulls us away from the internal.

It can be frustrating and even annoying to keep up with everything others expect us to do. It can be costly and energy draining as well. Do I have the right clothes? Drive the right car? Live in the right suburb? In work it can be even more draining. Organisations espouse one thing and do another. I engage wholeheartedly and then discover the reality that what I see is not what they said.  If I try to fit in, please, go along then I lose a sense of who I am and the forever try to find my way back. 

So why does this even matter?

When I am pulled away from my sense of self, my connection with my inner self, I am weaker, more sensitive, less convincing. My contribution is not whole but part of who I potentially could be.

Remembering who I am is not an overnight experience. It is a lifetime journey. I see it like steps I climb on a metaphorical hill. I go up a notch then plateau then I go up further. Sometimes I make decisions that send me backwards, sideways or down. Sometimes I hit my stride and catapult myself forward.  Occasionally I fall and feel like starting over only to realise I never go back just to new undiscovered territory. Navigating this terrain is the challenge.  Because when I change, shift and move and others do not then the difference can be a lot to bear. I need strength and support.

Remembering to ‘be me’ may seem selfish on the surface. It is not. It is about finding authenticity, wholeness and clarity. From such a place I am equipped to better deal with life, work and all that comes my way. My energy is channeled in a constructive manner to activities that are congruent with self. I am aligned.

So how did I know when I was ready to embark on such a journey? When I had enough. When I was tired of running around in circles, getting lost, heading down rabbit holes following someone else.  I also knew because there was a level of excitement that calmed me. I could feel the invitation and knew it was right. No pros and cons list worked. It was deeper inside of me that I knew.