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"Being Real" past issues

January 2012: Believe in kindness for you this year

Jenn Shallvey

Being Real

January 2012




Welcome to 2012

I trust you enjoyed a nice break during the holidays. If you live in Australia like I do it seems like most of the business world shuts down until now.  Back on deck and ready to embrace the new year I am sharing this newsletter with you.


A new year is always a great time for a fresh start. I look at it as a figurative and metaphorical clean slate chance to choose living and working the way you want. Of course we can make these choices any time of the year, it’s just nice and powerful to do so with a few million other people. The energy is just that much more powerful.


So in this spirit of new and fresh starts I share with you an article to get you going, a few updates on offerings and a gift.





Believe in kindness for you this year

It’s that time of year again when we set ourselves up for success or failure. We don’t do this intentionally of course. No it’s in the way that we create our ‘resolutions’ and follow through.  I am sure you know what I am talking about as you have had many years of practice.  It’s hard to resist, right?  The pull is too strong to not commit to something new.  Depending on how your 2011 went this may be really strong or weak.   The balanced approach is to treat the transition with respect, pause and consider the old and move into the new. If done consciously in a way that personally suits you, this can create a positive experience.

What is often the case though is that we rush out of the gates like a horse in a race. We don’t know whether we have the stamina or the capacity to get there. But we set our selves out on the course raring to go.  Then we lose energy, fall behind and never meet the ambitious perhaps unrealistic goal set on 1 January.  Is this you?

Or perhaps you are over it. Perhaps you have had a few too many years go by where now you just couldn’t be bothered. Today is like yesterday. Tomorrow will be like today.  You throw your hands up in the air, lean further back in your chair and just let what happens, happen.

Neither of these approaches are really going to get you anywhere are they? The effect on you is more likely stress, boredom, depression or some level of frustration.

I know. I have experienced both ends of this spectrum!  I have also worked well with the balanced approach.

New year promise
So this year lets consider a different type of resolution. Instead of resolving to stop and start things just say to yourself a promise. Promise to yourself the following:

“No matter what happens, no matter how I end up or where I go, I am always kind to my self.”

I encourage you to start with this statement. Say it to yourself, write it down, record it. Do whatever works.  Then add to this promise by repeating and referring to it when you wake up and when you go to bed at night. Maybe then this will stick and you will enjoy the challenges of goals, handle the ups and downs and surprise yourself when you get to places you only dreamed of before.  


Now already some of you may be reacting.  It’s through being tough that you get through the difficult parts, right.  But then this is already an issue. At times we can anticipate the resolution to be hard and challenging so that is what we get.  Compound these beliefs with the negativity surrounding us in our environment - eg news and media, pressure to conform and fit in, etc.   It’s easy to get caught up in this downward spiral. Once you add your own dramas and story you are caught and need a lifesaver to get you out. Soon we are blaming the year for our problems, and failures.

For example, a typical resolution experience
As an example consider one of the more common resolutions…lose weight and get in shape. Is this on your list? It’s been on mine for about 30 years. Still working on it. Suppose I will get there when I’m in the grave. I will certainly be lighter. Anyway, jokes aside, it is a common experience especially after an indulgent and rich holiday season to want to come clean health wise.  And before any of you write to me to say why not, know that I agree. I agree that creating goals and intentions around positive sustained good health is important.

Inside out, not outside in

This example brings to mind the various ways we struggle with resolutions.  What starts as a great idea in our head loses its momentum in the translation and reality of execution.   There can be pressure both on our self and from others.  The measure is externalised to standards both expressed and implied.

So for a greater chance of personal success, the strength of your commitment needs to come from within not without.    You make the choices. You make the decisions.  You are then your own measure of success. You are your own master at pacing your progress, determining what is relevant or not for you. When you need help then you make the call and ask.

The secret ingredient
So what makes this work?



Belief in self.


Belief in your capacity and capability to create positive change in your life.


Often this belief comes from personal experience. Other times from people in your life who inspire and show the way. No matter where the belief comes from this is the battery of power that really keeps you going.

So in addition to making the promise to be kind to yourself, do a check in on your beliefs.  It’s a bit overwhelming to consider all beliefs, so start with a topic or area. For example you could pick the topic of new year reviews and goal setting. Or pick one of the areas you want to focus on.

In your review notice what is it that you believe and where these beliefs fall on the negative or positive side of life.  Reframing how you see these is then your choice.

If you are not able to identify the beliefs then enlist a helper – eg friend or more objective coach. Get the helper to ask you the questions (without any comment or judgment!) and see what comes up.  Then review which beliefs are hindering and which are supporting you.    

So even after considering the ups and downs of new year resolutions,
I am a big fan timeliness of this goal setting opportunity.  I like the idea of:

  • setting intentions and goals, when you are ready.
  • getting help from friends, family and other helpers.
  • creating as you go but also knowing where you want to go.
  • being super aware of what works and doesn’t work for you so that you can adjust in the moment.
  • trying, making a go of it, taking action and experimenting.
  • being kind to your self.
  • revisiting beliefs and reinforcing positive ones.

Being kind to yourself in 2012

So lets now assume that you are on the path of committing to being kind to your self in 2012 and beyond. Lets also assume you have your beliefs in check.  So how can you be kind to yourself?

  1. Make the commitment to you right now to be kind to you.
    Whether you need to say this out loud or write it down just do it.  Then find a way to remind yourself. It may be a little note you have on your phone or a reminder you put in your diary. Or maybe you need something more in your face like a poster, screensaver or post its all over the house.  No matter what you do commit now.
  2. Catch yourself when you are being unkind.
    Then reframe and talk yourself out of it. If you can’t talk yourself out of it then find someone else you can talk with to help you.  The idea here is not to pass on the responsibility to another to make you feel better. Simply find a way to switch the mood, attitude and focus of your thoughts.
  3. Savour and relish the moments you take care of your self.
    Yes I know this sounds a bit indulgent but it’s not really. The more you immerse yourself in the goodness of this experience the more you will feel the long term effects.
  4. Help others develop their kindness to others resolution by letting them support you.  If the world is to balance out then you need to receive and not just give.  Not selfish when you think you are giving someone else the opportunity to be nice.
  5. Create a diet of kindness. Just as you would eat three meals a day, find a way to nourish and nurture yourself during the day. This approach makes being kind to yourself not just a treat and a special experience but a day to day practice.

Be creative with your ideas.  This is not about routine but about regularity. So once you have a way that works add something new. Change things up. Create more ways to ensure that you look after you.

When you are kind to your self and align your beliefs to support you then you live as an example for others. We each learn from each other.  The more you take care of you the less the blame and excuses will go around. Instead there will be more responsibility and time for us to enjoy life and be with each other.

Believe in kindness for you this year.




Conscious Business Leadership:

6 month program starts 31 January 2012

In the backdrop of a shifting economy and marketplace, leaders are more than ever expected to engage in socially responsible ways of doing business. An authentic approach to leadership is now a given, not a luxury. This program creates the forum for leaders and business owners to further develop capability and confidence in this exciting and interesting time.

Individual coaching: 5 hours
Monthly group meetings: January to July 2012, 11am-1pm
Group start: 31 January 2012

For more information about the program content, structure and registration please visit the conscious business leadership section on my website.


Please feel free to contact me to discuss and explore further. 


If you know someone who might be interested in this program please feel free to download and share the program flyer.



An unconditional gift for you...


I truly want you to have the best year possible in 2012. So in this spirit I would like to share with you a complimentary ebook.  I wrote this guide a few years ago for a program to help people respond to stress by creating well-being. For various reasons I now feel it is right to share the material rather than have it sit on the back of my computer drive.


To find out more about why I am sharing this book please read the blog post I wrote Creating a Better You Starts with Me


In that post you will find a link to download the book from my website. You can also go directly to the download page here.


I hope that this material helps you and inspires you to have a great 2012.



Last month's newsletter...


READ MORE:  In case you missed it you can enjoy last month's newsletter online.


LISTEN AS WELL:  You can also listen to the feature article in audio.



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It is my intention to inspire people through my writing, coaching and facilitating to be more conscious, real, authentic and true to self. 


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I truly appreciate our connection and your interest in my work. I hope that I am able to help you with what I have on offer and share.  Please feel free to connect in whatever way suits you. I look forward to hearing from you.






All writing in this newsletter is copyright Jenn Shallvey 2011.










Believe in kindness for you this year 


Conscious Business Leadership - 6 month program starts 31 January


An unconditional gift for you


Last month's newsletter





To find out more please visit my website












What are you doing differently this year?




How will you prioritize your self care in 2012?



What does it mean for me to be a conscious business leader?  




When are you kind to yourself?



Do you believe in you?



















Be a conscious business leader in 2012


Registrations for the Conscious Business Leadership Program are now open.


Starts 31 January.































New Year, New You

Coaching with Jenn


Invest in you this year with personal coaching.  In a specifically designed process you can:


One: Check in and review

Take away: Renewed focus on what works in your life and work. A whole person perspective. Capturing and processing the year gone by.

Two:  Create your dream

Take away:  Reconnection to elements of what makes you passionate in life and work. External expression of your dreams and desires. Audio, video, print or other selected format.

Three: Commit to action

Take away: Actions mapped to your current situation and aspects of the dream expressed above.

Four: Pause for celebration

Take away: Mini process you create to regularly celebrate your successes along the way. 


Find out more here...




























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