Creating a better you starts with me

A few years ago I was asked to develop and facilitate a corporate program helping people respond to stress at work by focusing on creating well-being. For me the step seemed a natural progression following from years of studying a range of counselling, healing and other esoteric self care approaches.  I was also part way through a program learning to be a meditation facilitator.  I integrated both my personal experience and learning from teachers in the spirit of helping people respond to stress in the workplace by creating well-being.

Being someone who also subscribes to the belief that we teach what we need to learn most, I found on many occasions that I needed to heed my own advice. Perhaps this is part of the learning experience. We open up to new territory and life sends us a lesson or more.  

It was also at this time in my life when my mother passed away. Now I know this is not news for those of you who follow my work and know me.  I only share this point as a marker for a significant period in my life.  Despite all my learning, knowledge, practices and skills I felt knocked out on every level from this experience and the ensuing process of handling affairs.  To be really honest I think I have only just started coming good  recently.

The impact of this turn is that rather than focus on well-being I focused on coping. I turned myself away from everything in the world that previously supported me.  Yet despite all the ups and downs I found solace in friends, family and a team of helpers – coaches, healers, therapists etc.  Each person in my circle of self-care held the space I needed to do the work I did to process and heal.  I am still journeying through this new territory of self healing. Yet what I can say is that I am a very different person. Maybe not so much on the outside but de

finitely the inside.

I share this with you because many have mentioned to me the need to be more open about my experience. So in this context I am doing two things.

First. A personal blog.

I am starting a new blog where I share more about my personal journey, experiences and lessons learned.  This may or may not interest you. If it does then please feel free to visit the blog section of my website and subscribe.  The posts are to be more of

a personal nature and when I have the courage, I will be a lot more open and revealing. 

This is not a dance with my ego but an offering to help others with their healing. For what I have found most consistent in my own healing journey is knowing that everyone goes through such growth. When I hear other stories I feel less alone, less mired in the yuck. I also get inspired to focus on creating well-being.

I do find it ironic that in the middle of heading on the path of teaching well-being I seemed to have gone off the rails.  Maybe this is a lesson for all of us. Maybe we all need to pay more attention and remain vigilant in our lives so we maintain stronger foundations for living.

So stay tuned to the main page of my website and look out for this blog to go live.

Second. Sharing a helpful ebook with you.  

When I taught the course I mention above I created a guide and other resources to help participants.  This material has essentially sat hidden in the depths of my computer hard drive. As we head into the new year I thought I would at least pull this out and share it with you.

I wrote this guide in the context of delivering a workshop. So it is light on some information especially references. I read and learn a lot so over time information seems to integrate into my work and come out when it seems appropriate. So where you see things you would like to know more about send me a note and I will either be able to help clarify or point you in the right direction.

Given I am super conscious about these ups and downs I went back to this guide and realised that there are some good reminders.  So in the spirit of helping you in 2012, I am sharing the ebook titled “Create a Better You”.  

This is simply a gift to you. No catches or need to sign up or fill out a form.  You can download the ebook in PDF from this page. (Sorry not yet up to technical speed to produce it any other way) If you would like to share this with others please do. 

 



Ready to ride again

© Jenn ShallveyI fell off the horse awhile back. Not a real horse, a metaphorical one.  It seems like my life just went down in a thumping crash and has not seemed the same since. Oh there are times when I try to get back on. But it also seems that I keep trying to get back on the wrong horse.

My problem is not getting back on. I am beginning to see that what is really challenging me is 1) wanting to get back on and 2) knowing the horse that is right for me.  In this state I keep talking myself out of trying or coming up with stories that explain my ever present earth bound motionless state.  

I can see in my mind the joy, freedom and excitement of being able to ride again. Oh, just even thinking about it excites me, maybe too much. For if I get too caught up in this fantasy I forget the reality of the situation. I am still standing here with no horse.

So first for me is to accept that I am stuck in this place of indecision and avoidance.  As wave after wave of offers, invitations and suggestions come my way I push them back. I stand here in full power, but the power of rejection, saying no and pretending it doesn’t matter. © Jenn Shallvey

But it does matter. It matters so much it hurts.  Why?

Because I am a damn good horse rider. When I am on the horse again I am in my flow, I can take on the world and do what I do well. Sitting here instead is just a waste and place of attrition. My skills go unused. My desire wanes. My confidence erodes. I lose all sense of my self as the person I actually can be. I no longer know what is possible. There is no touch with reality.

Instead I immerse myself in the reality of life off the horse. This is pretty mundane but I can see the joy in it. If I focus and pretend the horse is not there then I am ok.  I go about my day to day life, repeating over and over the same tasks. I feel sometimes like I go in circles and get nowhere.

Then I remember again that flying feeling of freedom I have experienced before on the horse. Oh how I long for that. Oh how I wish I could feel that uninhibited, partnership between me and my spirit. I want to fly again. I want to explore again. I want to go to places I have not been before. This is in me.

If I would just get on the horse again.

But then my head runs interference again.  Which horse?  Where do I find the horse anyway?  So many questions, so many distractions from a simple step by step approach.

There is no moral to the story here, simply an observation. It is a place I believe many of us are in. A fancier word might be transition, less fancier one funk.  Either way this place is a no go zone that you can only get out of yourself. No one can put you on the horse. No one can make you climb back up. They can bring you the stool, even suggest a horse. But it is really up to you isn’t it?

So here I am saying I am ready to ride but don’t know what horse to get on. At least I am now open to getting back on. 

The time to ride again is now.

© Jenn Shallvey

When you see me, I see you

© Photo by Jenn Shallvey

When you see me, I see you.

Yet if I am alone, by myself, isolated-will you ever have a chance to see me?  

Despite population growth, teeming transport and busy cities, an individual can feel as one, cut off from the rest of the world.

Individualism masks our inherent desire to connect.

Competition keeps us one step ahead or behind.

Yet you and I are the same.  

We know life’s ups and downs.

We feel pulled to enjoy, live and be in the world.

Why is it so challenging to share our humanity?

We have a similar destiny, do we not?

We are all part of the same human race.

Whether big, small, young, old, fit or unhealthy we share the world.  

We all breathe the same air.

We all walk the same earth.

We all want to survive, sustain and grow.

So when you see me please see more than just me.  

See you.

When you lead are you at the start of the equation? (Audio)

This post explores the tension between staying stuck and living our dreams now, consciously leading.

When you lead are you at the start of the equation?

Does this happen to you ever? What you want to do does not seem to eventuate.  Then when you sit with it longer you realize that you probably needed what you thought you wanted to do not to happen. It's a bit of Murphy's Law meets Law of Attraction. If this does not make sense then just consider we teach what we most need to learn.

Time to practice what I tell others
Let me be open with a bit of personal disclosure to start. In my case, I feel that I strive to work from the place of creation, not reaction.  However, for years I have teetered between the two and now firmly want to declare it's time for creation.  Saying this out loud to you, I notice that at  times when I look back in my life I can get caught up in bouts of negativity. The negativity stems from me wishing I did things differently or took another path. It is not about regrets. It is simply an experience like weights holding me down, acting as reminders, tugging and pulling me back.   What then happens is I sometimes end up filtering opportunities or situations through gray colored glasses.  Instead of being my positive, upbeat, go with the flow self I end up being the nay sayer. Never the naysayer to others, just me.

© Jenn ShallveyIn practical terms what this means is I start alot and stop dead in my tracks. Yes that is the feeling. Imagine seeing a balloon or a flower floating in the air. You run and chase it, entranced by the beauty and randomness of it's appearance. Only all the sudden you realize that the rest of the world is watching you chase after this dream. From their perspective you look a little crazy or wacky. As soon as I get a scent of this viewpoint I come crashing down. I dig my heels in the earth and drag myself to a screeching halt, building up piles and piles of mud in the midst of it all.

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